I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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