you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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