ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
