And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
