If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
