I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
