His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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