Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
