I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
