Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
