You were right. It hurts to walk today.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
