Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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