I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
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He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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