you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Shame is for Republicans.
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