Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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