It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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