the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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