Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
