First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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