trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
