The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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