would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
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