Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Randomize
