when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
