STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
