my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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