Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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