I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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