Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
