If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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