rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
