Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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