dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
