last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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