also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
