She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
