We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
