are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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