you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
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He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
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I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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