I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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