So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize