Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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