No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Even my vagina gasped.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
