everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
