He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
