they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
