God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
