im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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