bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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