2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
