I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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