I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
