Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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