I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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