it's too hot outside to masturbate.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
