the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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