i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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