wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
