Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
