Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
