All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
