it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
