I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
