what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
