theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
