Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
