He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
