I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
