yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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