I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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