She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize