you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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