she was so not down for the gang bang
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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