All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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