I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Randomize
