after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
