Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Randomize
