does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
