so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
