Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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