Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
