my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
