Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Randomize
