he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
