ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
