sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
We are two peas in an std pod
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
