Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
not ubering you a puppy
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize