I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
