hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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