I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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